The Kurt, Interrupted Gift Guide

Manifesting a faithful following of readers one day who will shower me in gifts.

I consider myself pretty punk rock, and thus I am supposed to take a firm stance against the religious and capitalistic nature of the winter holidays. But before I am a punk, I am also a “dumb bitch” who loves “stuff”, especially when other people buy me stuff. I cringe knowing that this reference might push me over the line from Zillennial into the Millennial category, but that old meme of “I’m buy-sexual. Buy me something and I get sexual” is, unfortunately, very on-brand for me.

While I am sure you all have been waiting with bated breath for my Christmas/Hannukah gift guide this year, and I know the anxiety must be debilitating knowing that anything you order from my list won’t arrive in time for the holidays. Rest assured that my 30th birthday is in a month and I will be accepting presents until then. Or after, I’m never turning down a present really.

Rachel Antonoff Maddy Dress, size L- $285

I find it egregious that Ms. Antonoff didn’t name this after Debbie Harry; the cut, the phone, the punky pink and black color scheme. Missed opportunity, but either way, anyone who buys me this can in fact leave me hanging on the telephone whenever they please.

Fzotic Lilac Brûlée Eau d’Parfum- $145

Everyone is a perfume sommelier these days, myself especially. I had to cut myself off from buying any more perfume, but that does not mean I can’t accept any donations. My partner Scott turned me on to this indie scent house when he got a sample of this with a recent order, and I got very close to breaking my perfume ban. It’s sweet and floral and a little smoky and I would be willing to trade my entire collection for a bottle of this.

Wah Wah x The Raincoats Sweater, size L- $172.14

Wah Wah is an Australian brand of knitwear that makes these intricate and kinda kooky sweaters inspired by punk bands. I particularly love this rendition of The Raincoats’ debut album that will show off my cool, eclectic music taste and my penchant for being comfy and cozy. Will also accept their Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Amyl and the Sniffers, and Devo designs.

Didion and Babitz by Lili Anolik- $29.99

One book is required on my list so I don’t look too much like the aforementioned “dumb bitch” that I truly am. Then again, dumb bitches love juicy frenemy gossip, and this new duel biography goes deep into one of the best frenemy-ships in history between Eve Babitz and Joan Didion. Just this Babitz quote on the back assures me this will be a wild read; “Could you write what you write if you weren't so tiny, Joan? Would you be allowed to if you weren't physically so unthreatening?” Read Joan to filth, diva.

Blondie: Against the Odds: 1974-1982 Delux Edition 4-LP Exclusive Red Vinyl- $199.99

In a second Debbie Harry reference, I’ve been eying this box set since it came out last year. Another version of this has 10 discs including repressed editions of all of Blondie’s studio albums, but I just need this 4- disc edition of outtakes and rarities. However if one were to buy me the whole box set, how am I to deny it?

Marc Jacobs Turnkey Crossbody Tote Bag in Zebra- $450

Cheetah print was in for 2024 with the mob wife aesthetic, and mark my words I think Zebra is due for a comeuppance in 2025. Marc Jacobs is already my favorite designer and I love my (numerous) bags from him, but this rendition of the classic tote that comes in a more manageable size along with the turnkey lock just takes the cunt level up another notch.

Brooklyn Candle Studio- Petrichor- Allion Kunath Artist Collection- $38

I came across this candle at the gift shop of the Guggenheim earlier this summer on a particularly stormy June afternoon. While I am not enough of a chump to buy from a museum gift shop (usually), I have not stopped thinking about this lightly floral scent that did really smell like concrete post-summer rain shower. I even got to test it walking out of the museum after the rain stopped, so I can confirm the petrichor legitimacy. Since it’s one of the cheapest options on the list, might as well get me two while you’re at it.